I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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