Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
