I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
