Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
