Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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