He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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