I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
