you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
