we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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