Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
