Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
