WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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