I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sarcasm needs its own font
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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