Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
