I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
