This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
