I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
