when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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