I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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