ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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