Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
