Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize