There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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