I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
