Me. At least after what I've been through.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
