I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
