Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
