absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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