i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
