So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
