i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
