then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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