Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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