Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
