you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
