i think my mom watched the whole time
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
