can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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