There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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