I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
