youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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