wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
