it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
