i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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