he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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