Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
