she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
