Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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