And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
