Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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