I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
