I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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