There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
