my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
