someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
