Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
