my sisters under your porch take her home
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We don't watch enough power rangers
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
