I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
