is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize