you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
