Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
