Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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