His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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