Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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