do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
