i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
