Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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