When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
